I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. Surgery is scheduled for December 31st. Last day of 2020. Fitting.
I’m not going to use this space for medical details or false optimism. What I want to think through is what this does to how I approach work.
Mortality as a Constraint
Time might be finite. It was always finite, technically, but now the bound is tighter and less abstract. This changes the optimization problem.
Before: maximize long-term impact. Now: maximize impact given uncertainty about time remaining.
Concretely, that changes which projects I start, how I document things, what I publish vs. keep private, and how much I think about whether my work outlasts me.
The Archive Problem
I keep thinking about durability:
- Will my code still build in 10 years?
- Have I documented my reasoning, not just my results?
- Are my repositories structured so someone else could pick them up?
- Is it clear why I built these things, not just what they do?
This isn’t morbid. It’s practical engineering applied to an uncertain timeline.
What I’m Focusing On
Cancer is good at clarifying priorities.
Finish meaningful work. Complete the projects that contribute something real.
Document obsessively. Write as if I won’t be here to explain.
Open source everything. Make my work reproducible and continuable.
Think clearly about hard problems. Use whatever time there is to engage honestly with questions that matter.
The Paradox
Cancer has made me more productive. Not because I’m racing, but because the filter got sharper. I care less about publications for their own sake. I care more about whether what I’ve built will be legible and useful to someone else.
Continuing
I’m still in my math degree. Still building tools. Still writing.
The diagnosis doesn’t change the work. It changes the framing. Every project is now: “If this is my last contribution to this area, is it worth the time?”
Most things fail that test. A few pass. I’m working on those.
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